8/26: Optimism <---*----------> Pessimism

Matt moves here tonight with his dog, Sophie. If it was Gordon, I would call him my security blanket (because it would make him uncomfortable). I'm not entirely certain about Matt as of yet. I want him to find some balance away from home as well. We're both easy-going guys, and I wouldn't have invited him to move up here if I didn't think we could live together. When the possibility came up, I pursued it and convinced him to at least take it seriously. My potential sanity was at stake. With some degree of familiarity, I could ease up on the need to build friendships while I'm here, enjoy classes, and let the rest fall into place.

Of course, no one believed Matt would actually come....and I suppose until he shows up at the doorstep (despite the phone calls back and forth), there is the slightest fraction of a chance that his move is fabricated. I lovingly joke that Matt's presence is only certain if he gives you a 100% guarantee. If it's 50/50, it's unlikely. If it's a 98%, it's unlikey. 100%. He gave me a 100% when he signed the lease and paid the rent, so I believe him. I think everyone else just requires proof

I kid.

So anyway, having Matt here makes things easy on me. But now I'm not so sure it matters. Today was probably the most social day of my adult life. I've gotten to know several faculty members and graduate students. I was invited to two, count them, two different get-togethers on Saturday; one person I've know for about a week and another I just met in class. The poor saps...they think I'm cool with my pop culture research, my youthful semi-alternative style and my beard. It will be sad when they figure out how dull I really am. Ya know....in the traditional, party-animal sense. To bad for them I'm a friendship vampire once you expose the jugular.

One of these grad students is the spouse of a well known musician. At least well known to me (I won't say who...I don't know her well enough to banter her personal life around the internet). I happened to already be aware of this fact from another grad student. When she sat next to me and introduced herself, I recognized the name and said:

"Are you the one married to the musician?"

"Yep."

"I'm a fan."

Hah, yeah. What a ham, I am. I probably came off a bit starstruck, and I immediately felt bad for drawing attention to her husband rather than asking about her. I mean, he's out of town working on the new album.

I'll likely meet him at some point. I probably would be a little starstruck. To be fair, she's probably cooler than him.

Another grad student in the department gave me her number. We live on the same two-block street. She said a lot of the department grad students live in this neighborhood, like some kind of sociological enclave. She seemed eager to make friends, and we shared stories of moving here from the South, not knowing a soul in the phonebook (I didn't tell her about Matt). It was almost....normal for me to talk to someone I've never met.

So after all that, I am continually revising what I know about myself. It seems in close quarters, I am perceived quite differently than I might have been at other points in my life (my start in the UK department for example). I've been a little more intrepid; I've been a lot more vocal in public....and the result of such minor shifts in my attitude and action have been dramatic. At least compared to who I thought I was.

So now, I'll have Matt here as well. And I almost worry that he'll keep me from venturing out, that I'll stay where I'm comfortable once that is an option. I must not.

Good things could come from this: new friends, new peers....and who knows, my previous blog(s), with all its desperation and learned helplessness, might be null and void.

-Mike